Hi Betty. My situation with my son is the same, down to the Step-Father syndrome. It is a nightmare and have been in between them for years. My son is twenty five. I believe he is bipolar, and uses cocaine. Between the two of these problems.. you can see there are serious problems for my son to overcome.
The worst part for me, (and I am reading from you?) is that we are not allowed to give them safe haven. I actually understand the reason(s), to make him do it on his own. I want this for him too.
But it is impossible because he creates his own problems by using coke. Unfortunately, bipolar is impossible to overcome without meds. So he is in double jeapordy. BTW, bipolar has a twenty percent mortality rate due to suicide. This really scares me.
He called last night (collect, no 35 cents...) to ask that I order a pizza so he could eat. It is pitiful and painful.
Regarding your son and an address, I have told my son to say his perm address is with me, and he stays with friends to come into town to work during the week. (we live in the country, another reason he can't stay here.. no jobs...)
He is not employable for more than a day or two. No work history of any substance. I don't know how he will make it, or how I would handle the guilt if something bad happens to him. I am prepared, however, if he goes to the county jail for the many legal mess he has created for himself.
Of course, he wouldn't be in this mess if he had only lived with me... that's the feeling I have. more guilt.
I have also been told by a few people that I am the problem with him. I don't see it, but I guess I have to get out of the way. Near impossible.
I'm telling you all of this so you will know you are not alone in these problems. They are oftentimes unbearable, and no one to talk to about it (not the husband for sure, talk about a rant...)
I've bookmarked this page and will check back periodically and we can compare notes. Maybe between the two of us, we can come up with some good news...
Keep the faith... Maryann